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Genuine George Carlin Quotes – For Your Reading and Sharing Pleasure


Stuff that Carlin DID say

as republished (just part of the whole article) from georgecarlin.net

editor's note – Scott Teeters, our FarOutRadio host and producer often quotes one of his favorite people of all time. And that is the late great George Carlin. Here are a few of George Carlin's genuine quotes as republished from georgecarlin.net. Enjoy.

"Despite all the bogus George Carlin quotations floating around the internet, there are of course plenty of real ones too. Unfortunately, people rarely ever supply the precise source of the quotation ( the name of the Carlin album, or book, or HBO special, etc. that the words are taken from), making it difficult for casual Carlin fans to distinguish a fake quote from a real quote. Sometimes the wording of a quotation is significantly off, too. Most of the time I'm able to immediately recognize a genuine Carlin quote when I see one and tell you where it's from, but other times I need to do some digging to verify it.

 Here we focus on some of the more popular Carlin quotes that show up on the internet (to make it easier to verify a genuine quote when you see one), and a few favorites."

george carlin

From Brain Droppings (1997):

  • People say, "I'm going to sleep now," as if it were nothing. But it's really a bizarre activity. "For the next several hours, while the sun is gone, I'm going to become unconscious, temporarily losing command over everything I know and understand. When the sun returns, I will resume my life." If you didn't know what sleep was, and you had only seen it in a science fiction movie, you would think it was weird and tell all your friends about the movie you'd seen. "They had these people, you know? And they would walk around all day and be OK? And then, once a day, usually after dark, they would lie down on these special platforms and become unconscious. They would stop functioning almost completely, except deep in their minds they would have adventures and experiences that were completely impossible in real life. As they lay there, completely vulnerable to their enemies, their only movements were to occasionally shift from one position to another; or, if one of the 'mind adventures' got too real, they would sit up and scream and be glad they weren't unconscious anymore. Then they would drink a lot of coffee." So, next time you see someone sleeping, make believe you're in a science fiction movie. And whisper, "The creature is regenerating itself." (Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z, p46-47)
  • "Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did." (p70)
  • "Some see the glass a half-empty, some see the glass as half-full. I see the glass as too big." (p72)
  • "If you love someone, set them free; if they come home, set them on fire." (p72)
  • [later credited to “Anonymous”] "Those who dance are considered insane by those who can't hear the music." (p74)

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